102 Years

My dad was born on February 28, 1924. My mom died on February 28, 2026. Their two lives spanned 102 years. Dad died in 1998 at age 74 and Mom died at age 95. They were married for 48 years before Dad died of a heart attack on a late October day. They dated a couple of years, so their time shared together was half a century.

Just numbers and facts. And so much more. All of these numbers, dates, and years lived add up to many memories and a legacy that every person touched by their lives could speak to in a myriad of ways. What did it add up to for Mom and Dad?

My sister Zita sent a picture of their headstone recently. It was another hit of finality and fresh grief to see Mom’s date of death newly engraved on it. But also comforting to know that there’s a reunion that has taken place. On that headstone between their names and birth and death dates is a ring with the inscription “Married Aug. 30, 1950.”

No one is in a marriage except the two people in it. No one else truly knows the depth of emotions and connections, or the challenges. As an observer, I saw a partnership that included hard work and tremendous commitment to family, farm, and faith. I also saw warmth and humor and a strong bond between them. Mom lived as a widow for over 27 years. We talked about Dad, but I carry regrets. My 60-year-old self wishes I would have asked more questions of Mom about her grief, sat longer in conversation with both of them, together and separately. My younger self had other ideas and emotions and things to do.

We have Dad’s letters to her while they were courting. So very sweet. We have Mom’s journals, revealing precious tidbits of her life, their lives together.

This Mother’s Day will be my first motherless one, my first as an adult orphan. Even with the long goodbye of dementia and even though I feel peace in her passing, I will miss her in new ways, feel her loss on different planes of my heart and soul. I will honor her by allowing the emotions to flow and maybe some words will too. Thank you Mom and Dad. You are missed and you are loved.

Mom and Dad on their wedding day and their 40th wedding anniversary.