Gratitude Flow

The flow of gratefulness in my life is as important to me as the flow of blood and oxygen in my veins. Unlike my circulatory system though, it hasn’t been innate, just a natural process I haven’t had to think about. It has taken dedicated and daily practice. Don’t mistake that for drudgery though. When I was first encouraged to give more focus to what was going well in my life and less focus to what wasn’t, I was in my first years of sobriety. Self-pity had been my steady default mode since childhood.

With that lens, I was stuck in a repetitive thought cycle that was about me or my life not being “enough” in one way or another. That served me well as an active alcoholic looking for excuses to drink. Aside from that, it nearly killed me. When I stopped the alcohol flow, the toxic thoughts and feelings kept coming, with no buffer. My early recovery work stalled out. Enter my friend and her suggestion.

Her suggestion also came with a gift: the journal that became my first gratitude journal. That is when gratitude first started flowing regularly in my life, beginning to slowly cleanse me of the toxicity I was so adept at generating. Gratefulness continues to flow today, generating good energy.

I believe this statement to be true: One cannot feel sorry for themselves and grateful at the same time. That leaves me with a daily choice. Which stream will I feed? Which will flow—self-pity or gratitude?