In Due Time
Living gratefully today, I appreciate the healing capabilities of our bodies and minds. I also give thanks for a warm and safe roof over my head.
It took time, six months or more, but I feel like I have reached a good place of healing and health now since my hysterectomy and bilateral salpingo-oopherectomy late last August. The physical healing, in terms of incisions closing and a return to my usual level of exercise, came the soonest. It was the mental fog, low energy, and emotional ups and downs that took the longest to even out, to reach first reasonable, then acceptable levels in this woman’s psyche. Read this post from Habitual Gratitude, titled “13 Years, 108 Days, 2 + 6 = 8” for more on this grappling and healing that cancer, or the threat of it, puts in front of a person. Cancer will throw you for a loop whether it is directly or indirectly.
It is hard to fully describe how I felt during my toughest hours and on my worst days after this most recent surgery, but it wasn’t fun. It seems to fit under the umbrella of depressive symptoms. Low energy and lack of motivation for some of my usual activities and ways of connecting with others. Mental fog that had me more absent-minded than usual. It can be hard to distinguish what was normal aging and what was surgery fallout—but I knew it was different and I know I feel better again. And here’s the other thing: It was real! Hormone fluctuations and losses are real. Even if it wasn’t the scars on my body that were irritating, even if I couldn’t take an easy test to confirm my post-surgery malady, it was real. Other women I know said the same, and so did my research. Maybe your experience was different, for better or worse. Maybe you have no idea what I am talking about. It’s my story. My experience and challenge.
In due time, I healed and recovered. I will never be the same, but I am getting on with life. What a gift that is! Plenty of patience and acceptance are required, and self-compassion and understanding. These have not always been my strong suits. I have gotten wiser with age, and with the experiences that cancer has put on my path. The gratefulness was never far, even in the toughest times. If it was absent, I gave myself some grace, and knew it would return in due time. And it always did. It always does.
