Life is SO unfair!
This thought of “Life is SO unfair!” has been floating around in my head lately. I was thinking of two other phrases I have heard as well, both of them from recovery friends. One is “If I can’t have all that I want, let me want all that I have.” The other is “If you don’t like the hand of cards life has dealt you, are you really willing to take the risk of getting a new hand?”
This idea of unfairness was sitting with me yesterday as I thought of my sister Mary Jo, on what would have been her 65th birthday. It’s unfair that she had three bouts of cancer, the last one terminal. It’s unfair that she can’t help send her grandkids off to this next school year. It’s unfair that I can’t walk into her kitchen on a visit and have a conversation with her. It’s unfair that cancer has impacted my family so much.
That list of unfairness could go on and on. I grieve Mary Jo and I also appreciate that her pain is over. What about the other ways that life is unfair? It is unfair that when I woke up today, my arms and legs worked and all five senses are functioning. It’s unfair that I was born in a developed nation, always having clean water and electricity available. It’s unfair that I survived my active alcoholism and others did not. It’s unfair that I have access to such natural splendor every time I step outside, take a walk, or go for a bike ride.
This rant isn’t to make me or anyone else feel guilt for what we have or don’t have. It’s an attempt to shift our perspective a little, which can actually mean a lot. Certainly, we need to focus on negative unfairnesses and inequities as a society and a nation and work to resolve them. I am talking about our individual perspectives and how we move through our days.
When I first heard “If I can’t have all that I want, let me want all that I have,” I was early in sobriety and still spinning in plenty of self-pity regularly. As I began to practice living gratefully, these words reminded me to put less energy into lamenting what I don’t have and more energy into appreciating the many, many blessings each day brings. It was the beginning of coming out of the pit I had drank myself into and only tried to think my way out. I needed action, and living gratefully is action.
And the quote about the cards life deals us? Maybe a new hand would be better, but maybe it would be worse. Maybe, just maybe, I was dealt the one I have because the Universe knew those were just the ones I needed, even if I didn’t see the value of each card at first.
My friend Steve Foran and his website Gratitude at Work along with his efforts to reach One Billion Happier People are also two great places to find living gratefully in action. Steve wrote a blog post earlier this summer about this idea of unfairness as well. It is titled “My life is unfair—is yours?” Read it here.
Pause today and consider the unfairness of life in new ways.
