Passing this Way
This is the time to remember
'Cause it will not last forever
These are the days to hold on to
'Cause we won't
Although we'll want to
This is the time
But time is gonna change
(from Billy Joel’s song “This is the Time.”)
My sister Mary Jo would have turned 69 years old this past weekend, on August 15. She didn’t quite make it to 62, dying of metastatic breast cancer on June 16, 2019. I am now the age she was when she died. I have always liked this song, which was released in 1986 and was also written by Billy Joel, but it became far more poignant when I heard it in the last weeks of Mary Jo’s life, and when I heard it again a few days ago. Cancer is brutal. A thief.
My sister Zita and I have also had breast cancer diagnoses and are doing well today. We’ve had surgeries, treatment, medications, and side effects of medications that have impacted our lives and our physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional selves, but we are here, living life. We get to see our children and grandchildren. We get to wake up next to our husbands. We get to witness changing seasons in Nature and in our own lives. Why Mary Jo? Why not us? Those are questions I cannot ponder for too long. I don’t call myself a cancer survivor too often— I know the reality is that cancer could still claim me. I will be a cancer survivor when I die from something else.
This all may sound morbid and heavy. It isn’t. It is a genuine opportunity to fully experience the gift that today is. The precious and fragile nature of life for each and every one of us. I am defined by my cancer diagnosis, alcoholism recovery, running and writing. I am defined by the choices I make each day. One of those is living gratefully. If I don’t look my mortality straight in the eye, I don’t see today with the sharpness and clarity it deserves. I miss much. I don’t want to miss the simple joy, the stunning awe.
Last evening, I pulled up “This is the Time” on YouTube and busied myself with composing a draft of today’s blog post, opening a new tab. The next song that came on in the background was Seals and Crofts’ “We May Never Pass this Way Again.” Somewhat random in this age of on-demand. It elicits deep emotions whenever I hear it.
Like the twilight in the road up ahead
They don't see just where we're goin'
And all the secrets in the universe
Whisper in our ears
All the years will come and go
Take us up
Always up
We may never pass this way again
We may never pass this way again
We may never pass this way again
So
I wanna laugh while the laughin' is easy
I wanna cry if it makes it worthwhile
I may never pass this way again
(from “We May Never Pass this Way (Again)”, written by Seals and Crofts, released in 1973)
Nostalgia, sure. Something more profound though too. It brings me fully present, to this moment. This moment that will never be again. Be here, now Lisa. Anywhere else is stealing some of this precious present. Easier said than done with a busy life and the constant distractions that can pull us away if we let them. These songs, thinking of Mary Jo, considering my own journey in life, help ground me. They help bring me back to priorities, take a pause to notice my next breath, and look around at the richness offered.
Here’s a twilight picture I captured a few days ago. We will all have a final sunset. Until then, I intend to live life fully and arrive with good energy. Onward!
