Problems? Yours, Mine, and Ours
Not my problem? My problem? What’s my part? What action is needed, if any?
On the micro level, it’s a question that comes into my consciousness in a variety of ways. At work: What is the next best step in this situation? How can I extend compassion? Is a call best, or will an email suffice? Is this a time I should stay in my lane and wait to be asked?
At home: Could that little project wait for another day or should it be done now? Does that need to be added to the grocery list? Will I be able to locate what I am looking for? Do I really need to say something about that again?
In my own head and heart: Is this mine to carry or let go? Have I made things better, worse, or neither by my thoughts and actions? Is this really about me at all? What assumptions have I made? Why do I take things so personally sometimes? Why do I repeat unhelpful patterns?
Not my problem? My problem? What’s my part? What action is needed, if any?
Among others in recovery from alcoholism and other addictions, when we are talking about resentments, blaming others, and victimhood, someone might bring up this phrase: “If you have one finger pointing at someone else, you have three pointing back at you.”
Let’s all pause right now where we are. Point your finger out in front of you. See those three other fingers curled into your palm? Who are they pointing at? ME. Me. The only person I have any genuine power over. My attitude and actions are mine to choose and carry out. Am I thinking in a selfish mindset only, or am I thinking about how what I say and do will impact others? Am I taking the easy way out? Am I justifying my behavior because “everyone else does or doesn’t do the same thing?”
If this post seems random and wandering around a bit, it is. But aren’t we all? With our news feeds all over the place, our social media accounts sending us notifications, our heads buried in the sand at least some of the time, of course we feel scattered. But helpless and hopeless? I admit I have moments of each of those. Especially when I am tired, or the day has shown me more of the downside of humanity in current times than the upside.
Here’s the thing. The truth that matters most. The upside is always there. There are over eight billion of us going about the business of each day. We greet our neighbors and colleagues with friendly hellos. We thank the cashier with a smile and “Have a good day!” We obey the traffic signs and hold doors. We take out our garbage and shovel our snow. We love our children and our pets and protect them with a gentle fierceness. We sing along to our favorite songs and make book and movie recommendations we think others would appreciate. Some of us grow the food. All of us appreciate it.
We all have our creature comforts, defined only by us. If we strip away the excess, this is what we are left with. Today’s simple pleasures. If we don’t feed the hatred and division, we arrive at compassion. Being amenable to one another in our little corners of the planet.
Yes, humankind is facing some daunting challenges. No, it is not a lost cause. I am left with these brief questions:
If not me, who? If not now, when?
Lean into today’s simple pleasures and be amenable. It’s a good start.
And a little humor from Lucille Ball to lighten the burden that is essentially each of ours. Make the world better today, one small action by one small action. It may feel like a circus at times, but when we remember our shared earthly home is under one big top tent, it becomes more likely we will act and react neighborly rather than negatively.
Onward!
