The Generosity of April

April was generous with experiences, moments, insights, rest, opportunities, frustrations, unmet expectations, and so much more.

-sunrises from my recliner

-two funerals

-a group discussing awe (even on Zoom)

-the return of spring (and some setbacks to winter)

-speaking up when in the past I did not, and internalized it instead

-observing floodwaters rise and recede

-my husband Darcy’s birthday

-several lovely afternoon naps

-first bike rides of the season

-conversations, meaningful and heartfelt –in person, on the phone, in texts

-reading an Abigail Thomas memoir

-a poetry reading event to participate in, and more to pursue

And yesterday, on the last day of April, this song came on my random playlist and I was overcome by emotion, in a good way. (Is there any other way, even when the emotions are painful?)

The song inspired this stream of consciousness:

Think of April 2018–the last time my seven sisters and I were all in the same place at the same time, it was way back to June 2009 that all 12 of my siblings and I were together, my bangs were just growing back as my hair was coming in after chemo the prior fall, and here I am NED (no evidence of disease) and my sister Mary Jo died nearly 4 years ago, and before 2009, the last time all 13 of us were together with Mom was at Dad’s funeral in October 1998 and how could he be gone that long, and the sadness that my farm-loving son Sam never got to meet and talk with his farm-loving grandfather, life isn’t fair, but it’s precious, so very precious, too precious to stay stuck in pain, complacency, unreasonable expectations (of myself), and then April 2020–COVID turned our worlds upside-down and reminded us of our priorities, and gave birth to the first of our three sister poetry compilations.

And that’s where the generosity of April took me and what it brought me. Welcome May, welcome today.

Thanks again Laurel for this wonderful word for the year. Generosity. Seek it and you will find it. Pause and it will find you.