A Smile All the Same

Living gratefully today, I give thanks for my parents and siblings, our upbringing, and our expanding family. I appreciate the time many of us had together over this past weekend as we gathered to celebrate Mom’s 92nd birthday. 

Today is the day! Mom was born on February 20, 1931. The Great Depression was underway. WWI was behind us and WWII was beginning to take shape. Milestones in Mom’s life include graduating from high school in 1949, marrying Dad in 1950, having her first child in 1951, and her 13th in 1970.  Her and Dad celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary in 1975 and their 45th in 1995. They didn’t make it to their 50th. Dad died on October 23, 1998. Mom has been a widow for nearly 25 years. 

Her name is Gertrude Helen Shindelar Holthaus. She is a sister, daughter, aunt, wife, mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, great-grandmother. She is a writer, gardener, walker, Nature lover, cook and baker. And she is much more. She is still here today,  in the ways she can be. 

She is confined to her wheelchair and bed. She is confined in her own mind with progressing dementia. Yet, glimpses of Mom still come through, as do smiles. 

Her smiles are not the broad smiles of her younger and healthier days, but they are smiles all the same. 

Sunlight, being surrounded by family, and singing are all things that bring smiles to her face. They did yesterday when we were gathered together to honor this aging matriarch. 

My son Sam was there. I walked out with him when it was time for him to head back to school. We had a brief conversation about Grandma. He acknowledged that it is difficult for him to see her as she is today, see her in the nursing home setting. He also acknowledged how hard it must be for me and my siblings. 

I suggested that his perspective will change as he gets older, and watches his dad and I age more as well. It is challenging to see Mom as she is today, but it is also a gift for which I have deep gratitude. She has good care and contentment. I know peace and healing in my relationship with her as well.

She created many lives and those lives are creating more. She has touched many lives and made a difference in so many ways. Her legacy grows even as she withers. The difference she continues to make lives on in each of us. Her legacy is rich and grace-filled. 

Her changed smile is a smile all the same. And it warms my heart. Happy Birthday Mom! I love you.