Gains and Losses
Life is about gains and losses. It is about gratitude and grief, presence and clutter. I get reflective at this time of the year. My birthday was last month, my last drunk this month, my recovery anniversary next month. And my favorite season of fall is coming. I love the cooler temperatures and less humid air. The feeling of comfort I get when I put on a warm sweatshirt is most welcome.
There’s also a dying back in autumn. Maybe there’s an analogy about aging in there as well. A dying back. Both my husband Darcy and I have 40th high school class reunions in September too. There is ample consideration and quiet reflection as I ponder how fast life goes, how quickly we got here.
Life is about gains and losses. I am not speaking of financial and material matters here. I am referring to the true stuff of life: experiences, love, memories, accomplishments, legacies. Gains and losses take many forms, and are not always what they seem at first. I can no longer run marathons, but I still run several times a week. Darcy and I enjoy our walks too.
Regular meditation practice has helped me gain clarity and lose negative thought loops. Maybe I have lost some of my youthful zip, but I am also grateful to have lost some of my youthful ignorance. I have gained wisdom garnered from pain and the work that transformation requires.
My eyes and ears have lost some of their acuity, helping me gain a fuller presence and to slow down so I can literally get a better look, listen more closely. I have lost aspects of self that were only burdening me and I am gaining the abundance that comes with self-compassion.
I was carrying this idea of gains and losses as Darcy and I walked last evening, coming to a new stretch of paved road in a construction area. This captured my eye:
Water, in the form of rain, gains and loses numerous properties as it becomes the rain that fell yesterday afternoon a few hundred yards from our house. The materials that went into the pavement-likely gravel, aggregates, bitumen, asphalt-also gained and lost along the way to becoming part of this stunning little scene.
Gains and losses. When I pay attention to the ones that come and go in my life, I tend to come out ahead in grace and gratefulness.
