Throwing Nets

As perilous as it is, I used to “enjoy” self-pity. It was in abundant supply in my alcoholic mind, and I was adept at manufacturing more. Comfortably full of self-pity can make a person exist really uncomfortably.

It also keeps a person very limited in the perspective and perception with which they view and experience the world. It’s a self-centered and negative trap, dangerous and destructive.

It was the dis-ease I existed in well before I ever picked up a drink of alcohol. Alcohol fueled the flames of self-pity that fueled the flames of self-hatred. Together they fueled the flames of active alcoholism.

In recovery, it became clear that this self-pity and perfectionism and “never enough” would be my undoing if I couldn’t undo the stranglehold they had on my head, heart, and soul.

In early recovery, I made slow progress at extinguishing these flames. And there is always a burning ember of self-pity and perfectionism that is ready to burst into full flame if I feed it.

This is where living gratefully, focusing on the good and the gifts in daily life, helps tremendously. I have had many excellent teachers and spiritual advisors along this way of recovery, including my friend Terrie. She gave me what would become my first gratitude journal. She also gave me a direct admonition—stop feeling sorry for yourself and what you don’t have and consider what you do have.

In other words, get your head our of your a** and look around.

I will never be fully free of the net that self-pity can ensnare me in, but it is easier to get out of the trap if I haven’t spent time spinning in it, getting further entangled.

I can’t feel sorry for myself and experience a sense of gratitude at the same time. Which will I choose today? Living gratefully saves me from myself and then helps me find the richness in the opportunities and simple joys in the day ahead.

Onward!